Another subject that has been bothering me is I’ve just been so confused. Idk hearing about that friend today was shocking. Idk how to deal with this. Hearing y close friends doing something their not supposed to just kinda hurts a little. I know everyone smokes weed/has sex but seeing someone so close to you and someone who is as religious as you do these bad things confuses the hell out of me. It’s like I know it’s wrong but can I still do it. It’s that voice again telling me to do something bad but I just can’t do it. Idk it’s weird. I just need help. I kind of just need to be alone and need to stop overthinking for a bit. It’s too much right now
Can people just mind their own business. People also need to pipe the fuck down. My life has nothing to do with yours. Mind your own fucking business. So what if most of friends are mostly girls? How does that affect u in anyway? I always get made fun of because I don’t have many guy friends. Idk why but its really NO BIG DEAL. I know I’m making a big deal by writing about it but seriously just gtfo. I’ve gotten so many ride comments throughout my life about my personality and my friends and I make it seem like it doesn’t hurt me but it does. Being called fag or gay it hurts. People joke about it and I’m gonna admit it sometimes slips from my mouth too but it should really stop. Today someone asked my friend if I was gay of course I acted like no big deal but I always get so self conscious or insecure whenever that comes up. I know my voice isn’t that manly or whatever. But I mean give me a break. Society is seriously just messed up and there is really no way to fix it. Stereotypes are also really fucked up. Right now I’m just seriously so done with life. It’s also so weird how my mood changes so fast I was ok like an hour ago but that one thing changed my mood drastically
So continuing on about jealousy like I just get so jealous and this makes me become like bipolar. I would think about something and it would make me feel jealous and then like boom new emotion but ya like for example whenever we go out to eat like me and my friends I would want to talk but sometimes no one cares or they just don’t pay attention. At least that’s how I feel. I feel like I have no friends sometimes. Even though I do I feel like I can’t tell them anything because I feel like deep down people don’t give shit so I don’t bother. Idk I just over think too much. But ya these insecurities I have don’t help either because it makes me self conscious and makes me jet you to hard which annoys people like idk I’m just rambling. Xx - D
So idk how to start this but here we go. I just really emotional right now and need to express it. It’s been going on for about a couple months now and idk what it is. I think it’s because I’m growing up and I have to face these really harsh realities. I know people are going to drink and smoke and stuff but seeing it on my social media makes me very angry/uncomfortable. Idk I’m Muslim and so all my life I have been taught by my parents to never drink or smoke or do anything that these teen Americans do. I think this makes me very jealous. Jealous because I can’t do it. I know that I have to choice to do it or not and i know very well to not do it but there is always that voice in my head saying to do it. It has been on my mind a lot lately. Doing drugs and alcohol idk why. I have been so curious and I’m seriously wanting to try it so bad. But I know I can’t. My faith is just really strong. Now I don’t want to get preachy but it’s just I’ve been raised and taught this all my life. Seeing my Sunday school friends and just also my my American friends do these things makes me so mad like. What happened to when we were young idk it’s just I feel always so mad whenever I see pics of them drinking. I know I shouldn’t get mad but I can’t help it and I honestly think its my jealousy because I know I can’t do it. So idk this can go on so much more but I need to stop. Xx - D
